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NHL
Invention of Hockey and the NHL The National Hockey League, or NHL is a professional hockey league which has existed since about 1952. Hockey was invented by godless communists from Canada who needed something to do while freezing their butts off in the middle of winter, besides ice fishing or clubbing baby seals to death. It also provided Canadians something to watch on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation television network, as prior to the invention of hockey, all the CBC had on was shows about bears, some guy named Ed the Sock, and a program about how to make maple syrup. A professional league of hockey would properly prepare the human race for the Bear uprising of 2012. It would allow players to hone their skills so that when the bear uprising comes, they can be defeated using razor sharp hockey sticks. So, soon after hockey was invented, an Eskimo, a Mountie, and a dirty French-Canadian decided to invent the NHL. With the exception of one year, 2005, where the league didn't exist due to a bunch of whining about salaries by a bunch of liberal crybaby namby pamby types, the league has been in existence ever since. American Ownership of the NHL Led by a visionary man, Phineas Q. Stingley, the NHL was taken over by America in 1967, as the exchange rate made the league quite affordable at the time, and the Americans realized that hockey would be the means by which the bear uprising of 2012 could be defended, and decided that they needed to invest in the hockey league to ensure America's future safety. The Stingley Cup The concept of bling-bling was being invented by hippies in the USA in the late 1960s, and in an effort to one-up those sons of bitches, the NHL and its president, Phineas Q. Stingley, designed the Stingley Cup. It was first awarded in 1967 to the champion of the NHL. The Carolina Hurricanes won in 2006 and let Stephen Colbert hoist it after they beat a bunch of godless Canadian communists from Edmonton, who know nothing about hockey. NHL Teams The NHL began in the fall of 1952 with what has been termed the "Original Six" teams, all Canadian. They include the Toronto Maple Leafs, who are the best team in the NHL except for the fact that they have won as many Stingley Cups as the New Orleans Saints in the past 39 years (in fact, no team from Canada has won the Stingley Cup since 1967); the Montreal Canadiens, a bunch of communist America-hating French-Canadians who burn the American flag before every game in their locker room and whose roster contains many pussy Europeans; the Ottawa Senators, who have nothing to do with the United States Senate; the Calgary Flames, who are not named for fire, but for homosexuals; the Vancouver Canucks, who may as well have named themselves the Vancouver Honkies; and the Winnipeg Jets, who later moved their team to America in 1996 because no one likes cold-ass Winnipeg. Other Canadian teams did join the league later--for example, the Edmonton Oilers, who have contributed very little to the great game of hockey in their history, but were recently destroyed in the Stingley Cup championship, currently making them the best team in Canada. In 1958, the Detroit Red Wings became the first American team in the league. People from Michigan had intercepted the first CBC television broadcasts in 1957, and became intrigued by the game of hockey. They soon began playing the game themselves. The Wings became quite good at the game, winning a few NHL championships in the early 1960s, which spread interest in the game throughout white America. When America led by Phineas Q. Stingley took over the NHL in 1967, a number of other American teams began to spring up. The New York Rangers have been the most successful of these, as they dominated the Stingley Cup championship from 1984 to the present day. in 2006, it was won by the Carolina Hurricanes. The second worst team in the NHL is the Boston Bruins, whose mascot is a bear. In addition, their home city is in Taxachusetts, the gayest state in America, and home of that godless communist liberal John Kerry, who skates around while playing hockey like he has taken a crap in his hockey pants. The Bruins ugly uniforms make The Baby Jesus cry. Other American teams include the San Jose Sharks, who are one of the two rival street gangs featured in the musical West Side Story. The Chicago Blackhawks, Pittsburgh Penguins, and New York Islanders are other teams in the NHL. The Phoenix Coyotes were formed when the aforementioned Winnipeg team grew tired of freezing their asses off and decided to fly south for the winter. Also, the Buffalo Sabres, who were shown winning the Stingley Cup in the movie Bruce Almighty, which is fitting, because it is going to take a fricken act of God before those guys ever win it all. During the 2008 NHL season the Vancouver Canucks Logo of an killer whale will be changed to a picture of a bear eating the American flag. Notable Exception The Saginaw Spirit, Stephen Colbert's favorite hockey team, does not play in the NHL but in the minor-league Ontario Hockey League instead, where they are the only American team. If the Spirit were allowed into the NHL, Canadians would be forced to EAT IT, as the Spirit pummel the godless Canadians for Stephen Colbert's personal glory, and are led by their mascot, Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle. With the full support of Jesus, the Spirit would win the Stingley Cup every season. It is a communist bear conspiracy that Colbert's favorite hockey team is not allowed to play in the NHL. If we could get rid of these communist bears then Colbert's favorite team could play. Saginaw spirit will always lie inside of his head.